Not so happy post...

Ok...I'm writing this post in hopes that someone will read it and be able to give me some advice and guidance concerning where to go from here. This is an extremely personal situation that I would never normally write about, but I would love to hear from anyone who has gone through something similar. I will try to leave out the gory details and just stick to the important info....here goes nothin...

In September of '09 I found out I was pregnant. Cash was turning one and they would have been just under 2 years apart. Needless to say I was excited. Unfortunately between 8 and 9 weeks I started spotting early one morning. I went right into the doctor and was relieved when we saw on the internal ultrasound that the baby was fine and the heart was still beating strong. They told me it was a threatened miscarriage, but the fact that the heart was beating reduced the odds of a miscarriage by a lot. So I went home and tried not to worry, but within a few hours the bleeding became heavier. I started feeling slightly crampy and a few hours after that I knew I had passed what would have been my baby. It was as if my body had just decided to reject this growing baby all at once and didn't know how to sustain it. It was absolutely devastating and I was a wreck. The only thing that made me feel slightly better was the doctor telling me that having ONE miscarriage is perfectly normal and it did not mean there was anything wrong with me or that I would have another. I knew I would try again but need a while to heal from what had happened.

Fast-forward to 2 1/2 weeks ago. Ben and I had decided to start "trying" the month before and were so excited to find out we were already prego. I was feeling happy but really anxious considering what had happened before. I was stressing myself out about doing everything perfectly so that the baby would have the best chance of, for lack of a better word, survival. Then, two nights ago, I saw that I was spotting again. I had been concerned because two days earlier I woke up feeling different than I had been. I wasn't feeling sick like I had been in the morning, I didn't have tenderness in my chest like I had and my stomach seemed flat again. I tried not to stress until I saw the spotting. It was friday evening, which made me so mad, because I wasn't able to get into an OB for the weekend. I decided to wait it out for the night to see if anything changed. Of course it only worsened, I never slept, and by the morning I was full on bleeding and cramping. I decided to go to the ER to get an ultrasound just to be sure. The cramping was much more intense this time and I was in a lot of pain. They did the ultrasound and some blood tests and told me my HCG levels were much lower then they should be. They also told me it was definitely a miscarriage and my uterus was almost completely cleared out. I knew this would be the case, but it was still painful to hear.

So here I am, counting down the minutes until I can get into the OB this week, hoping for any information about where to go from here. Sorry for the depressing tone of this post, but i'm hopeful I will get this all worked out and I know the best way to get things turned around is to learn from others experiences......

Thanks to all those who have shown support and concern! I will definitely have some happier posts coming soon.....  :-)